Every Little Helps
by VyzieTaur
Summary: How many Tanks does it take to change an energy-saving light bulb? Tank attempts to educate the other infected on the dangers of global warming. One-Shot


Disclaimer: I do not own L4D. Or Valve. Or anything of any value.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"

Hunter froze in place, hand outstretched over the bin, poised to throw in a crushed up coke can.

"What?"

"That's recyclable!" Tank stomped over to Hunter and snatched the can from his hand, pointing to the green plastic bin next to the blue general waste bin. "THIS one is for recycling. THAT one is for other stuff"

"Well how am I supposed to know what I can recycle and what I can't" Hunter said defensively. And in a much quieter tone to himself, "And why does it matter anyway?"

"Why does it matter? It only affects the ENTIRE PLANET!" Tank cried incredulously.

"Umm...dude? In case you hadn't noticed I don't think it really matters so much anymore? Humans are pretty much extinct"

"That's no reason to develop bad habits"

"Did you know" Smoker started, "that recycling one aluminium can, could save enough energy to power a TV for three hours?"

Hunter rolled his eyes as he headed towards the fridge to get another can.

"Is it dinner time yet?"

"Good afternoon Boomer. How are you?" tank enquired.

"Hungry. Can we get takeout tonight?"

"Oooh, good idea" seconded Hunter.

The sound of someone clearing their throat made them both look up "I'm not sure that's such a good idea" Smoker commented, eyeing them over the top of his newspaper.

"Why not" Boomer asked.

"It isn't the healthiest of options"

"I think he's saying you're fat dude" Hunter helpfully translated

Tears welled up in Boomers eyes "Say it's not true!"

"I simply meant we had takeout last night. Hunter is being very immature and teasing you. Don't listen to him"

Giving his paper a small shake to even out the creases, Smoker resumed reading.

"Plus, take out is extremely wasteful. You can't recycle the cartons you know" Tank added, nodding matter-of-factly.

"Did you know" Smoker chimed in again, this time from behind his paper, "that Americans used two and a half million plastic bottles every hour, most of which are thrown away"

"Not anymore they don't" Hunter countered.

"Anyway Hunter, enough of this arguing, it's your turn to take the recycling out. That can has just about filled the bin" Tank said

"Me! Why is that my job? Make Boomer do it" Hunter whined

"You know I have trouble with the stairs" Boomer moaned

"And I'm not sure that he should really be going outside alone. What if any humans turn up?" Smokers input was not taken well by Hunter.

"Is no one on my side here?"

"Oh just take the recycling" Tank repeated. "It's not like you have to walk very far"

"Yeah, why did you drag all those huge recycling skips over here anyway. It's not as if there's anyone left to empty them. Plus, what if I refuse" Hunter challenged, a mischievous smile spreading across his face.

"Hunter, I'm warning you. Take the recycling"

"And where did you even get all those bins from. You must have explored the entire city. Man that's sad"

"Hunter just take the recycling. Did you know that the rainforests are being cut down at a rate of 100 acres per minute?"

"How do you even know all this stuff?"

"It doesn't take much to walk down a few flights of stairs and put the bag in the bin" Smoker continued.

"No" Hunter experimented.

"NOW!" roared Tank.

Everyone jumped, but it had the desired effect. Without another word, not even muttering under his breath, Hunter pulled the clear plastic bag out of the bin and started tying the top together in a knot. However, the momentary peace and quiet was shattered not 10 seconds later.

"Who left the door off the latch AGAIN! Does no one else care about security round here?"

"Oh God" All present occupants winced in unison. The Witch was home.

"Hi Witchy, how was your day?" Tank asked pleasantly.

"Stop asking me stupid questions" Witch replied.

"Ok" The Tank knew better than to push its luck trying to carry on a conversation.

"I'm going to my room and I DONT expect to be disturbed"

"No problem" Tank replied cheerfully

"That's more than my life's worth" Hunter mumbled to himself.

The Witch proceeded to storm through the kitchen and out the door, from where she could be heard thumping down the hallway followed by the slamming of a door.

Everyone noticeably relaxed.

"I need to toilet" Boomer announced, leaving the room.

"Uh, too much information dude" Hunter said as he carried his recycling bag to the front door.

However, his plan to just dump it there and take it downstairs later was ruined.

"GOD! Isn't there ANY privacy around here?" Witch's scream of annoyance indicated Boomer should probably have knocked before entering the bathroom. And the subsequent heavy footsteps coming back towards to living room settled it. Hunter would rather be outside with the recycling than inside facing Witch. As quietly as possible he slipped out the front door.

...

Hunter was talking to himself again. Sitting on the edge of the roof he was slowly taking pieces of paper out of the bag next to him, scrunching them up, and throwing them off the roof.

"Stupid Tank" he mumbled "Recycle this and recycle that. Bins don't even get emptied"

He threw another piece off and watched as it fell to join the growing pile beneath him. This was where he normal came when he 'took the recycling out'. And Tank was none the wiser. It was a small victory. He'd thrown all the paper over the side and was just reaching for a bottle when he heard voices. He strained to listen.

"Ok as soon as we get somewhere safe, we'll stop for a while"

_Humans_

Hunter backed away slowly from the edge and hurried for the door that would take him back inside. He took the stairs three at a time and in a matter of seconds was outside his own accommodation.

"Guys! I found humans" yelled Hunter happily as he burst through the door. Looking around he saw the faces of all the special infected light up in anticipation.

"Did I hear dinner?" said Boomer poking his head out from around the side of the fridge.

"Looks like we're getting takeout after all" said Tank

...

The man in the suit looked at the girl in the pink, who looked at elderly gentleman who looked at the guy in the leather jacket. Gradually the first two altered their gaze until they were all staring the biker. He raised his eyebrows in sudden understanding.

"Why do I have to go first?"

"Because you're the biggest and scariest looking?"

"Gee thanks"

Despite these comments, he proceeded forwards without further complaint ahead of the others until he reached the crossroads ahead. He could still hear the slow snuffling noises coming from around the bend and took care to be as quiet as he could. Raising his gun, he stepped out and around the corner in one swift motion, pointing his gun barrel down the alley. Two rats from somewhere near his feet stiffened at his approach before scurrying off quickly. The alley was otherwise empty.

"It's fine guys! You can come out now. Just a couple of damn rats"

He holstered his gun as the others came up to join him. All surveyed the area.

"We could just rest here for a while?" the older guy studied the area, obviously deeming it suitable for a respite.

"I hate alleyways" the biker complained

"Don't be ridiculous. We've been far worse places" the girl, sensible as always

"It is a little...unhygienic" the suited man commented.

"Ok, as soon as we get somewhere safe, we'll stop for a while"

Reaching the end of the alleyway, the survivors stepped out into what should have been an open expanse of concrete. However, the entire floor was covered in large, yellow recycling bins.

"What the hell is this?"

...

"Ok guys, I vote we split up. When I give the signal, attack" Tank gave the orders as usual and slowly all the infected crept into hiding places, keeping as quiet as they could. All was going well until Boomer shrieked startling them all to death. _Well that's blown our cover_ thought Hunter. _Nice one_. Tank made a split second decision; without waiting to find out what has scared Boomer he shouted as loud as possible "Our covers blown! Get ready!"

Of course to the ears of the survivors it came out as nothing more than an almighty roar causing them to momentarily freeze in an unexpected panic.

"Nows our chance!" shouted Tank. "ATTACK!"

Using the motionless survivors to their advantage Hunter and Smoker both attacked at once; Smoker shooting out his tongue at the only girl in the group from a second story window he had climbed to and Hunter aiming his pounce over a recycling bin heading straight at a tall mean looking guy. Unfortunately, neither of these well-timed assaults had the desired effect. Before he knew what was happening to him, Hunter found himself savagely smacked in the face by the butt of a gun, causing him to fall to the ground in pain and disbelief.

"DUDE! I mean what the- Ow!"

Jumping away from the hail of bullets now heading in his direction he looked up to see Smoker staggering backwards, his tongue half the length it should be, the other half in a pile on the floor.

"Oh dthiss iss tho not thignified" Smoker spluttered.

"Where the bloody hell is Boomer when you need him" cursed Hunter rubbing the rapidly appearing lump on his head.

"I'm Stuck!" came a wail from behind a nearby bin.

The Hunter ambled over to see Boomer stuck between two of the bins. Struggling frantically, his short, fat arms and legs waving, he appealed to Hunter for help.

"Don't just stand there! Help me!"

"Actually I thought I'd just stand here" said Hunter moodily. His head was still killing him and his pride at not making that jump was hurting rather more.

"Do I have to do everything myself!" yelled Tank.

With this, he swung one huge arm in an arc into the side of the nearest recycling bin. The giant hulk of metal flew through the air knocking two of the survivors to the ground and trapping a third underneath it. The fourth survivor, some guy in a suit, froze only for a second before making a run for it. Tank gave chase, following him down the side of their apartment complex. Just as he rounded the corner and was about to bare down on his prey he noticed the floor was littered with recycling; newspapers, magazines, tin cans and plastic drinks bottles. _What on earth_? It took Tank only a second to understand the situation, and a second more to let loose a bloodcurdling yell.

"HUN-TER!"

...

Authors Note: This is my first FanFic from the infected POV so any advice on how to improve is appreciated. Any errors in USA recycling methods are because I live in the UK but I did my best to keep it accurate. Same with the facts on recycling. Any spelling or grammatical errors are mine, sorry. Comments and constructive criticisms welcome

Also, some credit should go to Dark Lupe for working on the initial basic idea with me a long time ago. However, the writing is all mine.


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